6 Months

Wow, that happened fast!
*Weight - 16 lbs 9 oz (32%ile)
*Length - 27 inches (71%ile)
*Noggin - 17.3" (57%ile)

Here are some side-by-side comparisons.

Miles,
My how you've grown. I distinctly remember how tiny and fragile you felt the first time I held you. Now you barely fit in my arms. It has been so fun watching you grow and learn new things. I can't believe all that you have learned in the past six months and I can't wait to see all that you'll do in the months to come. I love you so much sweet boy and I am thankful every day that our Heavenly Father trusted me enough to be your mother.
xoxo, Mom

Developmental notes...
1. Can use his tongue well enough to move food around in his mouth.
2. Loves to eat and will eat almost anything introduced to him.
3. Can roll over from his back to belly.
4. Can roll over from belly to back.
5. Is very close to sitting up by on his own.
6. Now makes adadada noises (especially when he cries).
7. Pretty sure he's getting a bottom tooth.
8. Found his toes, they are now one of his favorite toys.
9. Started drinking small amounts from a cup, he even swallows some of it, but most of it ends up on his shirt.
10. Decided that he's a big boy and only needs two naps (yes, I miss the third very much).
11. Drools like crazy.
12. Talks up a storm.
13. Sucks on his hands all day ever day.
14. Loves to pull hair.
15. Super stubborn, and he uses this to get his way most of the time.

6/27/09:
-Miles loves to suck on his hands!
6/30/09:
-Gabe, Miles, and I were able to go to lunch together. Miles was such a good boy.
-Miles is figuring out how to blow bubbles and make noises with his lips - seriously hilarious!
7/2/09:
-3 naps + no tears = good day.
-Miles now bends in half to grab his toes. He can't quite get them to his mouth but I can tell he wants to.
7/9/09:
-Miles is getting so tall I had to raise his exer-saucer up a notch!
7/18/09:
-Miles loves to eat! So far we've tried cereal, carrots, & squash...no objections yet.
7/21/09:
Miles...
-still loves to suck on his hands
-loves to grab his toes
-still wont sleep at night
-loves to eat & play out side
7/23/09:
-Miles can now roll over both ways!
7/26/09:
-My baby is 6 months old!
7/29/09:
-Miles knows who we are and gets SO excited when Daddy comes home!

Gospel Perspectives

Most of you that follow my blog are well aware that I haven't taken to motherhood as easily as I had hoped. Maybe I had to grand an expectation, maybe I was plagued with a touch on postpartum depression, maybe I let exhaustion get the better of me, maybe it was all of the above.

However, the last couple of weeks I have not been able to shake this feeling of complete emptiness. This is where the title of this post comes into play. You see, since Miles was born I have found it difficult to continue church attendance and scripture study. As I struggled to adjust to motherhood I found myself feeling lost and alone...abandoned if you will. That being the case my prayers became few and far between. I attribute this to the emptiness I referred to. I am ashamed of this behavior and embarrassed that it took me so long to realize the err of my ways.

Since my last post I began to resume my personal prayers as well as having family prayer with Gabe and Miles. My prayers have been focused on rebuilding my testimony. I have prayed fervently that I may have a personal revelation that my Father in Heaven is there and is aware of me. Not more than two days later I got a call from my mom; she asked me if I'd received my Ensign this month. I hadn't checked the mail yet, but she encouraged me to do so. Inside there was an article entitled "Managing Postpartum Depression". Amazingly enough this article describes in perfect detail everything I have been feeling of the last few months, it also gave me the reassurance I was seeking.
"Recognizing that we can learn from our trials can strengthen our faith, even as we are in the midst of adversity."
"To anyone who may be struggling to see that light and find hope, I say; Hold on. Keep trying. God loves you."

I'm still not where I would like to be, but at least now I can see the light and once again feel hopeful that I may be the mother Miles deserves. I felt it necessary to document this event so in future time of darkness I may look back and remember that my Father in Heaven did answer my prayer.

I would also like to thank everyone that left me comments of advice and encouragement. I consider myself truly blessed to have such loving friends and family.

is there another way?

Okay moms it's time for some more advice!

I can't figure out what I'm doing wrong, but it seems like my little monster is the only baby I know that is NOT sleeping through the night yet. I swear, everyone I know that has a baby around his age is having success in the sleep department. I don't understand it at all.
For the last 2 weeks or so we have done the same routine every night; bath at 8:00, lotion massage, clean diapers & jammies, bottle, swaddle, put him down awake. He puts himself to sleep when we first lie him down and naps well during the day, but for some reason he has started waking up every 3 hours and there is no consoling him. I am only willing to offer the bottle once a night so the other times he wakes are spent listening to him cry for reasons that are unbeknown to me. He eats every 4-5 hours during the day, but is waking up every 2-3 at night so I'm pretty sure he's not hungry.
We have tried crying it out with no success and we are currently trying to wean him off the bottle by decreasing the amount of formula we offer, again with no success.
Is there something else we can try, or do we need to pull out the ear plugs and just let him wale?
Does anyone know if it's possible for babies to have nightmares?

Family Camp

Every year my Dad's side of the family gets together for a long weekend of camping. This year they headed up Logan Canyon, just above Bear Lake. I haven't gone for several years, but this year Miles & I decided to make the short trip through the canyon. We missed Daddy (Gabe of course had to work), but tried to have some fun.
I guess this would be considered Miles' first "almost" camping experience. There was no way I was going to stay the night, sleeping at home is tough enough.

Thursday 7/16/09:

Miles playing with my cousin Valerie's daughter, Leah.

Forget the ball, attacking Leah is more fun.

Miles playing with Brenda while Eden & Leah fight over their grandma (my aunt Diana).

After a long day of fun outdoors there's nothing better than snuggling with Aunt Morgan for a much needed nap.

Friday 7/17/09:

Miles' first trip to Bear Lake

When we first got to the lake I dipped his toes in the water. He didn't seem to mind until a wave splashed the water up to his waste and totally freaked him out.

So then we decided to sit in the warm, shallow pools that had collected. Miles was so excited to see & play with people his own size.
(Yeah, I'm really that white!)

Sitting in the shade sucking on Grandma's keys

Miles has always loved playing outside, but the water added a whole new element to the fun.

I Loved...

...every minute!

I didn't read any of the books but, man, I love the movies. Gabe thinks I'm a total nerd. What does he know!?

Major Milestone #4

Today Miles rolled over from his back to his belly!
I left the room to get a drink and when I came back he was on his tummy. I probably freaked him out with all the fuss I was making. He too was proud of his accomplishment and found it necessary to repeat the act every time I put him on his back. It was quite entertaining.

Independence day...

...Miles' first major holiday!

No 4th of July weekend is complete in the Lucero house without going to the Cache Valley Cruise-in. Miles was such a good boy! He even managed to take a short nap despite all the noise. I must admit, the Cruise-in is NOT my favorite event and I only hope that one day Miles will love cars as much as Gabe so they can go together and leave me home ;).

After the Cruise-in we headed home for a much needed nap after a day in the sun. Miles protested, who wants to take a nap after all that excitement?!

We hope everyone else had a fun weekend!

I don't think I've ever seen anything cuter than Miles in that floppy hat! That sweet face makes all the sleepless nights almost seem worth it.

I don't know what it is about his face in this picture, but he looks so grown up. He really loves going for walks in the Baby Bjorn - his head goes side to side trying to take everything in.

Exaustion, Desperation, & Tear Stained Cheeks

Everyone dreams of having the perfect baby; a baby that rarely cries and begins consistently sleeping through the night at 2 months. I too had this dream, but my reality is quite different. Miles is now 5 months old and still not sleeping through the night. Not only is he not sleeping through the night, but he seems to be getting worse. When he was three months old he was sleeping til 5:00 or 6:00 and then would go back to bed until about 8:30. He did this consistently for about a month, then he started waking up at 3:00 a couple times a week. Then 3:00 became the norm.
That being the case we decided it was time to start sleep training and that we would let him "cry it out". Well, it has now been 9 days on the "cry it out" plan and again he is consistently getting worse not better. The first few nights he only cried for 45 minutes, then an hour, then an hour & a half, and tonight he woke up at 12:00, cried for 2 hours, fell asleep for 10 minutes before waking up and crying some more.
Even his naps have become irregular and frustrating. Again, about a month ago I could lay him down wide awake and he would put himself to sleep tear free. Now he has a freak out when I try to lie him down.
Needless to say this approach is not working and I am literally on the edge of psychotic break and tonight was the last straw. For the life of me I can't think of anything that I have done differently that would cause such drastic changes in his sleep patterns. I feel like a failure, not only because I can't get my child to sleep but also because every day my patience grows thinner.

Ultimately, the point of this gloomy post is to ask for any and all advice. I guess I am reaching out to other moms to reassure me that it gets better and to give me any alternatives that we might try.
Thanks for listening to a desperate mom, sitting in the dark, typing through her tears.